08/01/2018

TILL DEATH DO US APART

                It’s true, love is blind.  You are so infatuated with the person that you choose not to see the obvious in front. Your gut tells you not to but your heart takes over. You’re in love. After all why would love be bad and love can conquer all, right? 
             I was around 19/20 when I had my nikkah and like all marriages there was ups and downs. One thing for sure when I married him I didn’t see the difference in race. I saw a Muslim young sweet man who did the right thing and married the girl he loved.

           You never go into a marriage thinking it would only last few years. You go into a marriage thinking, this is it. “I will be with this person for the rest of my life.

             We had this joke, we would count down each year of us being together from 66. Taking us up to 85 years old. We had this vision that when we are both old we would walk together to the local post office to collect our pensions. Still in love and still married.  66, 65, 64 …….  We made it down to only 54 years.  Then the counting ended.

               Being married for 12 years I wish I could say it was all a bliss. Just because you love someone so deeply it doesn’t mean they will too. A women can take many things the world throws at her even another woman. When the choice comes down to another woman or God which would you choose?


              Many times I plucked up the courage to end it all. After all there is so many times a heart can be ripped apart and put back together again but the beat is never the same.
It becomes a routine after a while. The numbness takes over to a point you don’t even remember what love feels like. You are just together because you signed a piece of paper.

            I just remember thinking I do not want to be counting the years no more. It didn’t represent years of love but years of just cohabiting. I wanted to love and be free of this numbness torcher.

          I may not have been a good Muslim but I had my morals. I was a wife and a mother. That meant something. I would turn a blind eye to everything he dragged in but the moment he questioned his belief. That was it.  I took my chance, I knew God will provide and help me stand. I knew then that my marriage finished. It felt like death and we went apart.

          Doing the right thing even if it meant having my heart crushed for the last time, was one of the hardest thing I had to do. It would have been easier if I hadn’t of still loved him, but just because you love someone it doesn’t mean its ok.One thing I knew for sure my love for God was far more greater than what I thought this was. 

          To many this would not make anysense. Why can't you be married to someone if their belief is different. For me it was the final thing I could not turn a blind eye to. 4 years on I can see the beauty in it all, as every book must come to an end but mine is still being written. Starting with this new chapter to find love. 



8 comments:

  1. May the Almighty shower his blessings upon you forever..
    I'm glad you found the strength to leave and carry on with your life... there's always a light at the end of a tunnel xx

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    1. Thank you so much it really means a lot. Not easy to open up but it’s the best feeling having to unload x

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  2. It takes alot of courage to come out strong after all the pain you went through may Allah SWT bless u and your family always ameen. You truly are inspiring and I love that you are sharing your story with us it is a true factor of putting your faith in to God and seeing the beneifial results. P.S I really look forward to reading your blog �� its inspiring xxxx

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    1. Aww thank you x I remember feeling “I wish I could of read something like this back then” who knows things may have been better but life is a experience and one that I am not ashamed of x

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  3. Razia parbin09/01/2018, 21:56

    I dont usually read blogs this is the first blog well second blog of yours i am reading and its really touching my heart. I feel your pain and inshallah you will find true love someone who is worthy of your love and will love you unconditonally i mean how can they not you are truly amazing xx

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    1. Hahah aww thank you ☺️ truth be told I am at my happiest now, if it’s written for me to find mr right then Allah will make it happen. I just want other women to know that there is light after dark no matter how impossible it may seem at first x

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  4. This is so powerful.. I got divorced with two boys Aswel, i can really relate to this. May Allah swt continue blessing you and your children xx

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    1. wow, 1 thing i do regret not doing is reaching out for women like me. i took me a long time to be ok with myself and i just remember thinking ti would of been nice to speak to another women who has gone through it xx

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